I'm not ok, but that's fine, as long as I'm not harming anyone. I don't want to hurt anyone, and my energy is too much. It's too much for me, and it's too much for everyone around me at times. I have no control over it really, and it constantly gets in the way of my daily life and interactions with others at times. I wish I could switch it off and just be normal, but there isn't really much I can do about it. I can't really bottle it either as it's just this massive ball of chaos, filled with conflicting thoughts, emotions, and introspective views on myself. Kind of like a rabbit hole with no real end. I want to spend time with the people around me, those of course being You, Plaeto, and the people in Eroge. But with how unstable I can get at times because of this energy I worry I'll end up causing more harm than it's worth. I just want to be where I belong, but every time I find somewhere I belong this energy gets in the way. I don't know how to properly handle it or drain it. It makes everything impossible. It ruins my ability to be at the place that could be the where I belong. I don't want to cause any more harm or trouble or general disturbance to how things have always been. I truly wish to coexist and stay with all the people I care about. I really don't want to leave anyone ever. Especially not after all those years of self-inacted solitude. I don't really know what I'm writing anymore. I'm fine I guess. Just filled with worry and can't stop seeing things that might be there. I constantly fight against the urge to give up and throw everything away. The urge to just give in to everything and lose myself furthermore. Until I truly lose the ability to be something that could be called "human", until all that's left is a mess made from this chaos within me. Return to Index